For someone who had spent most (read all) of her life single, it was hard for me to imagine living life with a love that was made just for me. Look, I was never lonely enough to make bad decisions. I have developed my life to the fullest — travelled, eaten, made friends with, cried with, worked 24hrs for (because I was single). I never once questioned my worth — and I have my father to thank for that. His love was the first and purest love I’ve ever known. After that, I got comfortable and even craved being alone.
But, there is something that living restrained does to a person. Especially like I did. I had, in effect, pulled together the four corners of my heart and kept them so diligently and tightly tied that, over the years, I saw what felt like a tsunami of love build up in my heart. I had so much love to give to someone who would hold it all with care. Someone who could gently but firmly hold the rush — of everything that I was. I was worth the world. That much I knew.
“You’re going to need a man to calm you down.”
All the people who had no business commenting on my life
People have said variations of that comment to me all of my life. I did not believe it, and in the end, I’ve found that we all won. I am as fierce as I’ll ever be, and yet I am calmer because Mario sees and accepts me for all that I am. That’s not to say that we didn’t rub each other the wrong way. Haha, nothing could be furthest from the truth.
The best thing about being best friends running a business with absolutely no romantic intention is that you can fight without fear of ruining your squeaky-clean reputation, worried that the other person may not find you attractive after the mud fight. We had never been more sure that we gelled than when we started a business, and we had never fought until we were in business. Perfect. I guess.
I often secretly feared that Mario would throw up his hands and exclaim, “This is all too much.” But he never did. Sometimes, I could see that he was seething, but he would stay to work it out with me and consistently come to the party when I challenged him. “I’m committed to this business; it is my Plan A. I have no other plans. I’m committed to making it work with you.” (Bless his heart, I am an eight on the Enneagram — a challenger. I challenge everything. The poor guy)
My dad and I laughed the other day that maybe it is because Mario and I went through and sustained so much fire working together before our marriage that our first month has been such a breeze. I’m not sure what it is, but I am grateful for the grace. There is nothing easier than living with my best friend (when I’m not trying to control him — *side-eye* — may we all relinquish the control we think we have).
We Are Here
And, so — without much thought at all, we managed to arrive at our first month together. I very sincerely pray that this is how I land at ten years, 50-years and 100-years — without a thought at all, still turning over to kiss his face good-morning, still laughing until we can’t breathe, still talking non-stop for a 10-hour road trip, still debating every topic under the sun, still attending the concerts of our favourite singers and bands and headbanging until we’ve lost our balance. I pray that we are still.
We often laugh giddily about how grateful we are not to have to “go home” in the evenings.
“Just imagine, you’re my wife. I don’t need to leave your house at 10 PM,” or “just imagine, you’re my wife, and we don’t need to make up things to do so that we can stay together just a little longer,” he would say, and I would thank God silently that life never has to be like that, again. So, imagine my joy when Spier Wine Farm contacted me to stay over and experience the Light Art with a partner just before my wedding? “This is perfect! I can finally stay over with my husband,” I exclaimed — and ran around my mother’s house gleefully.
The Vibes
Mario and I are both sober (we don’t drink alcohol) — but, Spier had more to offer than just their award-winning wines. This year (despite COVID-19), Spier welcomed visitors to the third annual Spier Light Art, a curation of 26 light, art and video artworks offering joy and “glimmers of pure beauty” during this time.
“Although COVID-19 is a common storm, it affects us all differently – especially so in a deeply unequal society like ours. What is universal, though, is our need for light and lightness.”
Curators, Jay Pather and Vaughn Sadie.
Free to the public from the 19th of March until the 18th of April, with an option to Stayover and grab a sunset picnic and breakfast the next day; this is something to consider doing with your beloved or whole family, for that matter. Read more here!
The Stayover
We arrived at Spier around 6 PM — later than we had hoped; it was hard to get away from the office, guys! — and checked into the vineyard’s hotel straight away.
I was super impressed by the personable hotel staff and health and safety procedures, not to mention the colourful decor tastefully welcoming you to your stay over.
Walking through to our hotel room, I was overcome by how much the hotel rooms’ architecture reminded me of the Hyatt Regency in Sharm El Sheikh, Egypt, where I stayed during the 2018 World Youth Forum.
Coincidently, that was the first trip Mario, and I ever took together. Then, Mario was posing as my manager as I was afraid to travel and sing in a Middle-eastern country without a male escort — and he knew the music industry well. Now, he’s my man (in his words).
I’m a sucker for anything Tuscan-inspired (full stop), and the muted but earthy colour scheme, beautiful windows and… wait for it… bath, won me over! I love a bath with a bath bomb! Don’t you?
I have to make mention of my #gifted Mandatory unisex overnight bag. It’s been the first time that I’ve gotten to use The Lifter (like they call it) properly since they gifted it to me in February, and I am in love!
Much like their other products, Mandatory is just such good quality it’s hard to believe that it’s not an international product — I wore their fatigue Hero (Urban) bag every day for months on end. It often got mistaken for Acne Studios et al.
They’ve thought of everything in The Lifter’s design — a separate shoe compartment, dual handles plus an adjustable shoulder strap and a laptop compartment for those ‘working away’ trips.
The Picnic
We dropped off our overnight bags in our room with plans to be back early enough for a bath (Mario said he would bath with me because it was date night — he hates baths) before bed and were off to collect our picnic basket and see the lights!
It seems that nearly all of Stellenbosch thought it was an excellent evening (it really was), and people came out in their droves to picnic and enjoyed the local smokehouse and hotel restaurant.
We grabbed a picnic basket filled with more salad, chicken, cold meats and treats than we could handle between us and scored a sweet spot just before the sun went down. Then rushed to grab hot chocolates to slurp on from the Fram Café because everyone knows hot chocolates make art sweeter!
The Show
In all honesty, the past year has been such a blur it’s hard to remember how long it has been since I did something like this. We weren’t even through having watched the first pieces of film, and I turned to Mario exclaiming that it was so wonderful that we get to see curated works of art such as these: interactive, meaningful and intriguing. Art.
The End
I wish I had more to say about our Saturday. Like how we rode bicycles or enjoyed the Signature Wine Tasting (that you can enjoy if you drink) or the segway tour. Still, my husband and I are both recovering from significant bouts of burn out, and any sleep we can get is sleep well appreciated.
So we did just that – slept a little later than we usually do, checked out, grabbed croissants and eggs benedicts (one hard egg, one soft egg), stopped by the Farm Cafê for a few extra goodies and made our way home energized to love for yet another month, another year — our whole lives.
