The world is a strange place. But, if there is anything that we’ve become more aware of over the last few months, it would be of the fact that we need each other. We need touch, we need friendship, we need kindness, we need grace.
No man is an island…
John Donne
Even amidst many friendship woes growing up, too many to count actually, I’ve been blessed enough to have had friendships that go deep. My soul needs depth. It is something I cannot live without.
And, God has seen it fit to bless me with the ‘good ones,’ His best — just what I need for every season of my life — primary school, high school, after school, and now as an adult.
A NEW LIFE
When I moved to Cape Town from Pietermaritzburg almost six years ago, it was two days after my best friend’s wedding. Well, best-friend-number-two. We were a group of four best friends (ages ranging from the early to late twenties) and inseparable for many years.
On the 12th of January 2015, I flew to Cape Town with best-friend-number-one — she on her way to start a new modeling career, and me? Well, I just knew I wanted a new life. My old one was packed into in 8-boxes after a whirlwind heartbreak two weeks before and before the dust even settled I knew that Cape Town was the change I needed. Why? No one knows. I booked a flight, sent the boxes ahead, and adjusted my life, getting ready for the next season.
Cape Town tore everything this small town girl knew about friendship to pieces. For some reason, I had internalized the assumption (read: lie) that deep friendship could only be found amongst those who had grown up with you, understood you, and were able to overlook your flaws because they knew you. Weird right? I have no idea where I got that thought from, but I believed it
Nonetheless, what I had deemed impossible was proved possible. Over the past few years, I’ve found and built my strongest adult friendships ever. People who gel and flow with the ‘new’ me. The me in pursuit of authenticity (honesty) and adventure, the me who works hard, who has faults but who also says sorry, the me who is doing the work to be a better person.
I found my tribe! I’m so glad I finally get to say that I’ve found my tribe! They are also doing the work and they are keeping me accountable. Read my introduction to the phrase Do The Work, here.
Inscrutably involved, we live in the currents of universal reciprocity.
Martin Buber, I and Thou
I’ve found them in unlikely places — on social media, at a running club, walking into a coffee date by mistake… and, am I ever so glad that I did!
Are you battling to find real meaningful connections? People, who really care about you? I’m no shrink or professional, but, I’ve found the following to help me in my search for meaningful connection…
WAYS TO FIND MEANINGFUL CONNECTIONS
BE KIND
It doesn’t take anything to be kind, but, it’s one of the hardest qualities to find in today’s world where cancel culture is rife. Before jumping to conclusions about people, extend kindness.
BE AUTHENTIC
You are enough as you are. Say it with me, “I am enough.” You do not need to perform for people in order to be liked — you are beautiful and strong and smart and seeking validation from outside of you will only attract abusive relationships. If you can help it, stop that. Authenticity begets authenticity, and people will be drawn to you when they see you aren’t wearing a mask, are not trying to prove anything, not judging them (1. Be kind!)
BE FIRST
Be the first to show vulnerability! This works ALL — THE — DAMN — TIME! Family and friends often laugh at me for already knowing people’s life stories after chatting for only 30 minutes. It happens all the time, everywhere. But, that’s because I open up to share my weakness first. When you’re vulnerable, authentically, the person you’re speaking to sub-consciously feels safe to do the same.
BE APPROACHABLE
Change your face.
Yes, that resting b*** face you have — change it.
BE CONSISTENT
I don’t talk to any of my friends all of the time. But, I do check in all the time. I pray for them when I say that I’m going to pray, and I celebrate them CONSISTENTLY! Because a win for one is a win for all! (Write that and put it up on your mirror, please!)
BE SOFT
This is my mantra. Words that my mother said to me at 18 and words that I’ll never forget because I’ve had to remind myself continuously. In a world that is fighting to harden you from bitterness and hatred — be soft! I’ll say it again, Be soft.
This new friendship is not going to hurt you as the old one did. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll heal you.
THE RESULTS
In all of this, please remember to be kind, authentic, first, approachable, consistent, and soft with yourself. You can only give love to others to the extent that you’ve given it to yourself. The opposite is also true, you cannot expect from others what they do not give to themselves. I cannot stress this enough!
In other news, here’s a little story — I recently found a new friend in Amanda Kamhoot, the fabulous owner of Just Cruizin (who I’m wearing in the photos below), over social media at the beginning of lockdown. Amanda is an unlikely ally and a voice of encouragement that I had no idea that I needed.
She was so kind as to gift me a few ‘fits, and this is one of them — a terracotta/rust-colored corduroy skirt set that I love so much, and felt it necessary to show you pictures of a result (the fruit) of an unlikely ally and meaningful connection!
All my love — #TheGoodSis,
OUTFIT DETAILS
- Just Cruizin Velour Corduroy Top
- Just Cruizin Bias Cut Skirt
- ZARA Boots (2019 Winter Season)
